What is a simple discipline method that works?

By Dr. Jerry Kay

Discipline is more than tough love. It creates harmony and lets everyone know exactly what the rules are ahead of any questionable actions.

One method of discipline is called 1-2-3 magic. It is very simple, yet can be effective in setting boundaries, establishing authority, and allowing the child to be empowered to make the right choice. This method can be effective for teachers as well as parents, and work in the classroom for maintaining appropriate behavior from the students. Here's how this discipline method works.

When the parent gives the child an instruction, and the child refuses, the parent says, "That's one. Three will be a time-out" (or other consequence the parent decides on, which depends on the severity of the child's action and what makes sense.) The child then has a chance to make the correct choice. If he still refuses to follow the instruction, the parent says simply, "That's two." The parent may choose to repeat the instruction, or else wait another minute or two. If the child stops the inappropriate behavior and follows the instruction, then the problem has been solved. If not, the parent says, "That's three," and follows with the consequence stated at the start of the counting.

Please note that this method should not be used in the case of a child hitting or otherwise hurting another person, or if the child says something totally inappropriate that needs to be stopped immediately. In those cases, a consequence needs to happen immediately, as if the child has gone straight to "three."

This discipline method can most helpful for parents or adults who are tired of repeating themselves and yelling to get a child to follow directions. Simply counting can replace yelling.

Discipline Resources

Disciplining your child - Suggestions by age brackets.

Effective Child Discipline - Great section on stepfamily child discipline.

It is important to follow through with the consequence, whether it is a time-out, or removing a privilege. The age of the child will dictate the appropriate consequence, whether it is loss of allowance, removal of television privileges, additional chores, early bedtime, or grounding, to name some. The more matter-of-fact and unemotional the parent can be when administering the consequence, and even when doing the counting itself, the more the discipline method can be effective. One of the things that encourages children to repeat their testing behavior is when the parent reacts emotionally to the child's behavior. If the parent stays calm, the child loses that feeling of power over the parent's emotional state.

Discipline can be a daunting task for parents and adults. This 1-2-3 method can be a tool for establishing authority in a way that preserves the adult's dignity and emotional state, and reduce frustration for all involved. Seek the advice of your child's pediatrician, and the book "1-2-3 Magic" for more information.

Where can I find information on parenting a toddler? - You were not born with the innate ability to know all about parenting a toddler. You have to learn. Here's some tips that will take you out of the "trial-by-error" mode.

Dr. Jerry Kay is a psychologist and family counselor. He is a frequent speaker at youth and family counseling seminars.

Header graphic courtesy of Digital Westex Gallary

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